can't get over.

I can't stay mad for long unless I forced myself to. I don't get pleasure for doing so, always discomfort. Anger doesn't rise as quickly in me but it subsides before you even realise it was there. I take myself and throw myself into other people's shoes; I stuff myself in, I try to adapt so it gets better. For their sake and mine, although very rarely is it an advantage for me. It doesn't matter what happens I'm always going to still be there. They know it. I make sure of it, for their own feeling of security. 

That's where I make the wrong move. People, no matter how much they say you're important, they don't give a bloody damn at one point once or twice, maybe almost all the time. They take you for granted. I've always been taken for granted. People use me and manipulate me in my vulnerability and sincerity in order to make me feel guilty over the things I didn't caused or do. Even in those miraculous times where they do admit and realised their faults or mistakes, they would only for that few magical moments. People don't learn from them, they don't want to. Because I'm always going to idiotically still be there and they know it.

There are times where I don't want to let it go. I want to still be mad about it, I want to sulk for days, I want someone to come and get me for once but no one ever does. No one really is afraid to lose me, it has always been that way all my life. Which is why I either don't bother to get mad or go all savage in rage as much as the hell I want to. Everyone believes what they want, even if it's not true. Even if it's only to make them feel better about themselves.

-riri-