look at me now.

Wednesday 18 February 2015

another dead end.

Click. Like a flip of a switch. And I feel so low, I would actually go back to the days where I felt nothing at all; when my feelings were written each time as all I did other than to not take anything to heart, or to ever feel it so intensely is to shut myself down throwing everything out as I inhale every bit of tar into my lungs and exhale every little hope I too, no longer own. I'd spend days in bed, shedding tears in the form of air, I had none left in me for such life that devoid of living.

Going back to the things I dread, all that I've been trying to restrain myself from becoming, or to just be better at. However it seems like nothing I do, have or am now is even me anymore. Then who am I now if not anything at all? I've lost it again. I keep on losing myself.

-riri-

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