You're going to think it'll never haunt you, until you lie awake realising it was him again that you dreamt of the night before. You start cringing at the thought of anyone you get with that has traits of him. You're going to turn down every guy who tells you they want to get to know you because that's exactly how it started. You're going to want to give someone a chance but each time right before you do, you'll remember how yes, of course everyone's going to get tired of your deep thoughts and depression and you're going to end up giving all of you so don't bother.
- -You act and talk almost exactly as the idea of how guys prefer you to, according to him.
- -Sitting pretty, being honest but not too honest.
- -Smiling often even at nothing because who the fuck wants to handle you crying??
- -Talk about yourself but not of who you really are because it's the idea of you that matters.
- -Your problems are your problems, but care about him because he needs that even if there's an erupt volcano and tsunami going on in you.
- -Get jealous but not too jealous because that's annoying duh.
- -He likes clingy just not that clingy- more like love-me-when-I-can't-love-myself-otherwise-give-me-some-space.
- -Give don't take.
- -Don't get too personal because it's okay if he knows too much about you but not the other way around.
- -Call him but not like that.
- -Be gentle, loving, poise but also be able to chill and lek like a dude.
- -Outgoing but "why are you so easy??".
- -Be okay with talking about other girls like god look at the girl with a body better than yours right?
- -"If anything I'll be here" but "why the fuck are you calling me at 4 in the morning?" you're supposed to breakdown in your own company.
- -"You don't have to change" but "why are you so sad all the time??".
- -"I'm here for you" but "god I'm tired I just want some sleep I'll talk to you tomorrow (but I won't)" and you're going to have to be okay with that because for the love of god be more understanding.
- -Be joyful and lively because "I rimas lah asyik macamni" or "I tak suka lah bila you macamni" but "just be yourself", then again your therapist/psychologist/doctor says you're melancholy but it's alright I'll smile and laugh and be happy so it doesn't make anyone uncomfortable.
- -"Best la you ni, happening, kelakar, chill, crack, bangang bangang juga." because that's how they like me and the only time they prefer my presence.
- -No never talk about your emotions or what's wrong and if you're okay because "you okay?" means I-hope-that-you-are-because-it'd-be-troublesome-if-you-weren't-so-just-say-yes.
- -Don't post or take photos because who do you think you are? Side chic, somebody he used to know or doesn't want anyone else to.
- -What happens in this room stays in this room.
- -Don't hold his hand or touch him unless he does because the public doesn't need to know about you.
- -"He's just a friend" and "no we're not going out" because you're not going to make yourself believe that it's actually happening when most often than not it's all in your head.
- -"I like you" but the only thing he knows is that you're cheerful, replies to his texts, answer his calls, wouldn't mind being there for him and confused with the reality of how he likes what you do for him but not for you.
- -Pretend to be attached but don't get attached.
- -It's okay for him to fuck around but you should have more pride at the same time keep an open mind.
- -Welcome him with open arms and if he suddenly goes just toughen up and be alright because nobody likes an emotional fuck.
- -Like him but don't love him.
- -Don't ask where he's been, why he's late, who he's out with or if he likes you back. Just tell them to have fun, not to worry and take care because you're good on your own anyway.
- -Neglect that whatever to you means a lot because it might not mean anything to him and talking about it will make things awkward for him plus who wants to hear about what you have to say again?
- -Be intelligent, be fun but also be quiet, keep up with the conversation but never make it about you.
- -Cry at home or when he's asleep, don't tell him how you feel just text him or give him those hand written letters you know he won't read or would get tired of because he hates reading so it wouldn't hurt so much if he doesn't respond because you know how tiring it is. I mean of course it is, you took the time and effort to write it down or typed it and bare with feeling it.
- -Fuck whatever's in your head, it doesn't matter and it shouldn't.
- -Be aware of when you are at fault, acknowledge when it is you and not them and try as hard as you can to say things without ending up making them guilt ridden.
- -"Nothing is wrong, everything is alright so how are you doing though? Honestly" because you give a shit but you don't believe they need to about you.
- -Then again help yourself from letting it even begin, avoid them at all cost because this will fuck you up. This once fucked you up.
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