back in sight.

1:59pm 9/12/16

Sometimes I wonder how I got here or why I let myself go through the things I do but I know the answers to most of the questions in my head. I'm aware that it's all for my own good or for me to learn and grow.

It's so hard to love someone when you are well aware of the mess that you are. You know it so well how vital it is to learn or be able to love yourself before you do bother to accept anyone else. You start rushing and beating yourself up to fix yourself over it but what if you were never broken to begin with? That you were bound to be damaged and no matter how long it has been or how hard you try, it only sinks in even more to the core as each day passes by and that it's just a part of you that you're going to have to live with and embrace. Or control.

Do you remember what you said to yourself before- how you were meant to be alone? Yet I let myself trip over all this bullshit as if I haven't acknowledge the fact that I was never meant to be a part of the norm. Things are surfacing back up so vigorously all at once not giving me even a minute to digest each one. Almost like seeing the you, you thought you got over and restraining yourself from falling in love with the person who at the end fucked you over with no remorse whatsoever, and all this while you knew that they would.

-riri-