to always be wrong.

*suffocates over my own presence*

It's moments like this that makes me wish my room was clean, the curtains are closed, it's cold and I'm under my comforter, my emotional playlist is on, I'm high but not alone; this time I'm with someone who doesn't have to rush to go, who doesn't mind the silence or my disgusting petty crying but I'm better off imagining things or disregarding everything all together.

I've been such a nuisance. Still it has been nice to see how not everyone I know thinks so. But I don't really know anyone and those at the moment who doesn't mind are just a couple of people I know out of everyone. Everybody else think it's too much. I know I'm a lot more than I used to be because they're not used to this. This isn't how I always was to them. This doesn't seem like me at all. Truth be told it always has been. 

Difference is before this it's never been more than just an idea. It has always been in my head. I'm anxious and nauseated by how my mind has been working. I don't want to be a part of anything, I'm supposed to lay it low. I'm supposed to be on my own. Everything's contradictory. It's funny how nothing is really wrong or right. Everything you do has its own consequences but I still feel wrong, every time.

And I'm sorry.

-riri-