suck on that.

I don't believe anything at all is real at the moment.

I woke up, looked at myself in the mirror the way I always do.

I can fit the shorts I bought at the beginning of the year. Again.

My cup is half empty, skin back to how it was and talk about that look in my eyes.

The only difference is my hair colour, and well maybe where I am. Obviously.

I forgot how this was like. I just knew it never left.

I know this isn't really what I'm used to. Then again maybe it's all that I've ever known.

I can't tell if I feel the things I do or if I'm subconsciously forcing myself to.

I just know that for the moment being, everything's the same, no one's different.

Back when I figured that maybe I was meant to be on my own,

I never expected that I would reach a point where it'd be exactly how I've pictured it to be.

Except of course, I knew. I've always known and so this shouldn't be a surprise for me. It isn't.

Used to be on the inside looking out, then outside looking in. 

Now I'm just in the middle, of nothing.

I don't expect anyone to understand.

And I've stopped believing anyone would choose to if they could.

I used to think I might actually meet someone who would until it really hit me that nobody,

no one at all should. I can't recall if it was what I once searched for or believed I needed to have. 

I never needed anyone as much as I've always been there for everyone.

Lacking my own presence, never giving myself away like that but to everyone else.

What's becoming of me, is just another huge experiment, something to laugh and talk about.

But I guess I enjoy that, making people think they've got a role to play, that they're important.

What if no one's really anything at all?

"It's all in your head." They'd tell me.

-riri-