steppingstone.

Victimise yourself, go ahead.

I used to love these things. Made something out of everything, giving meaning to what has none. However I'm at that stage where I find it difficult to feel again. Most things rather bland, daily routines feel like too much work, mind's empty, I feel nothing or rage. For now there is no in between. I don't know where my head is, or if it's still mine. No remorse or sympathy just annoyance and suffocation. A few days ago I drowned again. I thought of picking myself up yesterday. It was just a thought. I'm not one able or reliable to make decisions right now. 

I've no idea what I'm doing or where I am, I just know that for the time being, I don't want to figure it out yet. I'm going to let myself enjoy everything I don't feel before I start fucking myself over with all the things I know I would soon. I don't like what I'm doing because of how it affects everyone else. People always assume I do the things I do just to spite them. When the only person I've ever really beaten up is myself. Enough of the miserable talk, something new is arising; I can't wait for everyone to blame me for it.

-riri-