daddy never says.

You'll noticed every look your dad gives out to the guys you bring home to him, full of doubt. He knows. Even if he doesn't, his assumptions are only to shelter you from the sound of heartbreak he hears echoing in his head before it could get the chance to happen. To every start, he thinks of the ending. The aftermath, he thinks of you. If you don't have a father, one you would know of, the one you think never loves you, it could be a brother, your mother, a best friend or in fact somebody you used to know. Either way, someone has been watching over you, so carefully, with angst and enough love to let you go on your own but stay to when you decide to come back home.

He never thought you how to love. He has never been more afraid to. Yet everything he has done for you, in his head no one could possibly do. He might not know you the way you want him to but he knows you well enough to know the kind of man you deserve to be with. Lived long enough to know the kind of boys that would come around speaking of the love they know nothing of. Babygirl I would save you from every chance of heartbreak I sense would occur if only you would listen. Haplessly, I've always been the one to be on my own. Risk and chances I never knew I took until it goes haywire. Until it finally backfires.

I wasn't taught to be weak, incapable of letting myself become so fragile, vulnerable, frail, no matter how deep I've gotten involved with something. It can shake me, try break me and cut me into a million pieces, I am taught to pick every fragment left found and glue gun it back together. The amount of times I have given up just to get back up seems humorous to me. It never ends until you let it I suppose. Still I hope my dad knows, that it is not his fault, it is mine. That everything I've gotten myself into and everyone I gave my house key to was my choice despite everything I have been thought and all that I have learned. Every mistake is mine to be responsible for.

That whatever happens, I am still here somewhere deep inside of me, I am present.
Regardless of how I may look, talk or feel, the spark in me hasn't died completely.
That he has never done anything wrong. I'm fine, ayah. Jangan risau.

-riri-