nostalgia trauma.

Get your shit together
I'll do math, I thought.

I never do math. I know this feeling now, what it is, how it was. This fear. No adrenaline rush. But a well compose rhythm of unaccountable uneasiness. Nauseated with sudden melancholy. I think this irrepressible feeling I can't quite put a finger on is rather oppressive. I wish I knew why it is, for it to be easier to explain. Everything from the compilation of the start to the end of things and incidents I never let to heart or refuse to let get to me, all that I've repressed from weighing me down, blasting inside me at once.

I look so calm still.
Everything's placid. But my emotions.

-riri-