management derangement.

A year and a half to go.
That's it. Thats all. So go.

It feels like forever because of the things you have to go through just to get there but it's just in a blink of an eye for it to hit you that you're already there. That maybe the time you have wasted made the process faster than you thought it would have. Question is was it worth it or would you now be stuck in a state of regret wanting to turn back time and go back to finish what you didn't do but should had?

A's for the basics at least and I can already head my way, where this time the choice is mine to make and the decisions is in my hand. Had the idea straighten up and drilled to the back of my mind. It got me a way to escape. Unfortunately, the only way there is isn't the way I have hoped it would be.  It became really clear to me at night, of the days to come, the obstacles to overcome and when to do what I need to and where it should be done. Just, some things aren't as easy as it seems.

Morning came, so did the rush and the panic, the aches and once again, I just wanted the day to be over. I just wanted to sleep all the feelings away. Everything became blurry, all hopes, dreams, determination, purpose, the whole lot of it. That's when it hit me again, that I'm no longer that girl in third grade working my ass off for everything. It isn't as easy anymore. I can't pull myself together and simply just go with it. I can't push myself into doing those things anymore, it couldn't matter less to me now no matter how much I know that it should. That girl is gone, now here sitting at the back struggling to focus, to pay enough attention, to not zone out but all that's there is the body, no longer the mind.

How long are you planning to waste time and
drown yourself in that pithole of depression?

I don't know. I really, genuinely don't.

-riri-