i wish i knew.

If I could tell you how I feel about you,
I would be sure to mention
that although you are a sweetheart
that although you have charisma
that although your shy smile makes me forget about the sky
that although when you tell tales I would wish for it to not come to an end
that although I cannot deny that I get excited over you starting the conversation
that although I wish my days to come are to be spent with you
that although there are days where I wish you didn't need to go
that although whenever things seems bad it is worst without you
that although some nights seems so empty without you
that although I imagine scenarios in my head of you and I,

that I do not,
for some reason,
like you.

If I could tell you how I feel about you,
I would be sure to mention
that although sometimes you're ignorant
that although sometimes I want to cut you off
that although sometimes I can't even look you in the face
because it hurts
that although sometimes I wish it wasn't just stories, but things deeper
that although there are days where you start talking with the wrong words to begin with
that although sometimes it hits me that you couldn't stand me for too long
that although there are days where I wish you would just walk away (but I don't)
that although sometimes when things are going bad,it hurts more when you can't notice
that some nights I realised you could be better off without me
that although I am aware of how I can never be the girl you need in my mind

that although
I for some reason,
do not like you,
I can't deny the fact,
that I genuinely,
love you.

that although
I wish for there to be a reason to,
I do not have one for I just simply,
love you,
that inexplicably,
I just do.

I just love you,
I fucking love you.

-riri-