Been 2 weeks or less now.
To think of all the effort and work I've done for myself going to waste over just these few days is, absolutely astonishing. Congratulations, months then lost, now weeks lost once more. It shows on my face, skin, eyes, body, throat, voice, digestive system, heartbeat. My hair's falling out, my head's elsewhere, it's getting exhausting each day past 8 and days are pointless.
It's back now. Weeks or months maybe I can't quite remember much at all nowadays, it was dreading the pain of it; what an inconvenience I thought, remembering the soreness, the stench. Now it's the irrational fear of ignoring the urge and what it would do to me, oblivious to what it really does with me acting upon it. That's the thing about bad habits, it dies hard. Easy to quit with enough will power, long enough you'll loath to ever begin again yet once you do, you're not in it to stop. Going back and forth, back and forth back and forth, thinking you'll get better, thinking it'll fade away, leave your mind to rest in peace but then comes relapse.
You're back to where you begin.
Secretly here now, to stay.
To think of all the effort and work I've done for myself going to waste over just these few days is, absolutely astonishing. Congratulations, months then lost, now weeks lost once more. It shows on my face, skin, eyes, body, throat, voice, digestive system, heartbeat. My hair's falling out, my head's elsewhere, it's getting exhausting each day past 8 and days are pointless.
It's back now. Weeks or months maybe I can't quite remember much at all nowadays, it was dreading the pain of it; what an inconvenience I thought, remembering the soreness, the stench. Now it's the irrational fear of ignoring the urge and what it would do to me, oblivious to what it really does with me acting upon it. That's the thing about bad habits, it dies hard. Easy to quit with enough will power, long enough you'll loath to ever begin again yet once you do, you're not in it to stop. Going back and forth, back and forth back and forth, thinking you'll get better, thinking it'll fade away, leave your mind to rest in peace but then comes relapse.
You're back to where you begin.
Secretly here now, to stay.
-riri-
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