She picks up arguments out of thin air. Always at moments when you could really, easily get ticked off. It could be about anything, everything at times. She'd even bring up all the shit I've done in the past, as if the ones I've done now aren't enough already.
Comparing me to all her friends' children. These so-called perfect kids -through her eyes, that is. All there is left for me to do to help myself- the only thing I could do- is just sit there silently shouting in my head or singing so loudly in my mind- trying my best to just send back out or just trying my best to not even let in all these shit that's thrown to me.
Sometimes I would black out, I'd just tune out. Staring into space. Motionless. Static. Going to my own world, sending out reality. There's times where I would just think- of why I am in such a condition, what wrong did I do and what's the point of what is done to me then.
Sometimes I just end up thinking of what and why. There are times when I find myself utterly innocent and some I can't but to admit that I am at fault. Most times it's just something I have to bear with, compromise. I just have to understand that she's having a rough time dealing with things and also me so I just have to suck it up. But I don't blame her. Sometimes I do, sometimes I say offensive things too but I never mean it and when I feel like I want to and I should, I'd probably shut up before I make more hearts aches and hurt more feelings.
yours truly, riri.
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