preview to the new.

Perhaps asleep, while I have been awake ever since I woke the day before.

I can never really put my feelings into words. With him nothing ever comes out the way it does in my head on paper than when the words are spoken directly. This is safety, this is 'keep it between us', this is something I hope would go as far as we say it would. Up until we reach where we believe we could and if we are lucky enough, beyond.

It's insane to look back and think it's only been a short period of time yet this journey has been one hell of a rollercoaster ride. Everything dejecting was the cost of this; what I went through is the reason I am able to get this far. To be here, this blessed. Bliss. Everything left behind, every fresh start is worth the try- even if it's the same kind.

In mind is every moment I wake to see his face, every nightmare and anxiousness he manages to balance out and control. I have never been more attached to a smell. I never thought I would be the one to feel what I do and have what I own now. For the first time in my life, in spite of all the chaos, I'm still left with what I've longed to be my own.

And I am petrified.

-riri-