anchoring.

In my heart I felt,

In my head I said,

For every time we have a misunderstanding and he thinks I don't anymore or when I hate him or believe that he does too. Whenever he has to go and each time he decides to come over out of the blue. When he talks about his dreams, fears, problems, worries. When he's deep into his thoughts or feels, as he stares at the ceiling. When he asks if I'm okay or if it was something he said and did. When he slowly reaches for my hand because I took it back. When he says he's sorry when I should be instead. When he holds my face and kisses my forehead. When he lets me hug him when I don't deserve to even touch him. When I'm with any other guy that isn't him. When he's talking about someone else as I sit thinking that should be me. When he's jealous or mad still. Each time I get teary or start crying in front of him, really wanting to hug him but can't. And when he talks about things, relating me to it like he wants me to be a part of what he has and my heart goes weak because deep down I know everyone I've ever wanted to be with will find a hard time adjusting to the real me, or every part of me.

When he's there, and when he's not, and ever since the start to begin with or when I mess up and he still wants to be with me. Even when I abhor him or when he hates me, I feel the same. I'm starting to miss him even when he's with me and what could possibly be more dreadful than the realisation of how I am slowly anchoring to him. This is attachment growing. This is love blooming. And I can't be more sorry, because this is me becoming another nuisance when I know better than to be here. 

-riri-