of jealousy and love.

Bezanya, dia yang teristimewa.

This was before God's twisted humour consisted of me again. I'm the cat curiosity killed. I came across someone of the past. Bear in mind that it had nothing to do with me, this was someone else's. I thought maybe what I was feeling was exactly how I felt except that I could do better this time. Until I found out more of what I didn't sign up to know. I can't tell whether this is jealousy or bitterness. Since it didn't really surprise me to begin with. Maybe it was never really anything at all.

I could choose to not feel.

-riri-

bravest everything.

All I ever wanted was a sincere apology.

I thought I at least deserved the sort of closure I never received.

Deep down I just needed another reason to believe,

that he was ever different. Or if it was just me.

-riri-

between the lines.

Before every goodbye,
my emotions get lost.

My eyes stone cold,

but inside I'm soft.

I say okay,
I mean go away.

Often shoving them out,

when I want them to stay.

(I don't want to feel too much)

-riri-

impatient.

I rushed to the phone,
It wasn't you.

*Sigh*

-riri-

been along.

She's not going to be there for long.
But isn't it funny how she's never left at all?

-riri-

no strings.

I prefer to not get in the way of anyone or anything.
So these days even when I chase, I never do.

I'm only here to leave.

Eventually.

-riri-

you've mistaken.

"At the end of the day it's how you are".

But I'm not the girl you make yourself believe I am.
I'm no longer the sort of pure you speak of.

So every time you point out any good in me,
as you speak of someone else's bad,
I flinch and cringe on the inside.

When you're still you, just no longer you,
and you do good, just not that sort of good-

You know what I mean?

That I no longer have all that I saved for last.
That I go against all the things I said I couldn't condoned.
That I've lost what you thought you had because you were a bit too late.

I'm never on time anymore.
I'm not the me I know.

-riri-

this is how you do it.

Don't put your feelings in it,
they're not worth an inch of you.

Talk about it like you mean it,
making them think there's meaning.

Laugh about it if they use it,
because all you've ever said
was never yours to begin with.

-riri-